Such a Heavy Burden To Carry
by Lila Blue394
Summary: Caroline comes to Sam's side when she hears of the accident. its then she learns something that neither of the boys know about. but what she doesn't know is that she isn't the only one with a burden to carry.
1. unsure

Caroline ran through the hallways of the hospital. She had managed to make it here in record time breaking several traffic laws on the way not that she cared all that much mind you. Her only concern was getting to Dean and Sam, was making sure that they were okay. She skidded to a halt at Dean's door bringing her hand up to her mouth to keep in the little sob that tried to escape. Her green eyes filled with tears at the sight of him lying there in the bed lifeless breathing with the help of machines. Tubes and wires every which way. She walks slowly over to the bed as if she was afraid that if she moved to fast it would shatter the odd mix of calm and agitation that had a strangle hold on the room.

He was alone for the moment and she wondered where Sam and John were she knew that they wouldn't leave him alone for long. She took a little hiccupping breath and sat in the chair beside his bed and took his cold hand in hers. "Dean…Dean come back please." she felt the energy in the room shift but she ignored it keeping all her focus on the man lying in the bed. He laid his big gentle hand on her shoulder and murmured, "He's not gone Care…he just…he just can't be gone yet." he sounded so lost and heart broken that her own heart almost shattered.

She brought her other hand up to rest on top of Sam's that rested on her shoulder. Giving it a little squeeze she whispered, "What happened Sam? Why is he like this?" her eyes never leaving Dean's still form she was terrified of the answer she would receive. "The demon it…uh…it got to us and then as we were driving trying to get Dean to a hospital we were hit by a truck. The driver was possessed." She nodded, she knew they were going down a dangerous path knew that something like this could happen but honestly she thought they were something akin to superman. Something like this shouldn't have happened Dean shouldn't be lying here so close to death.

"The doctor said that we shouldn't have much hope. That his chances of coming out of this aren't good.""What do they know anyhow? We know differently Sam we know that his chances are better than most."

"Come on Care dad's gonna wanna see you. Maybe you could tell him about Bonnie maybe she could help." He sounded so desperate not that she could blame him she was desperate to. At this moment she was willing to do anything to bring Dean back to them. "I don't know how much she can help but I'll call her. But I don't think telling your dad is such a good idea. Bonnie's a witch she maybe good but hunters hunt people like her." He nodded his eyes downcast and it made her sad. She'll do what she could search for anything that would help but she couldn't betray her friend. Such a fine ledge she walked.

She stood up her eyes falling back on Dean. His chest rising and falling with the help of the breathing tube. It killed her to see him like this banged and bruised a huge cut on his forehead. She leans forward pressing her hand to his cheek. "We'll be back Dean we wont leave you alone." she whispered into his ear ignoring the tear that fell from her eyes. She kissed his cheek tasting the saltiness of her tears. It hurt to pull away from him and to leave the room to leave him. But Sam took her hand in his and she felt a little better at the contact.

* * *

Caroline sat in the chair and crossed her legs primly as she eyed Sam and John. She could feel the tension rolling off them and not just from Dean's current predicament either. It made her a little mad. Here Dean was laying in that freaking bed looking pale and close to death he was in a coma for fuck's sake and they had the audacity to _fight_. Because yeah this was so the time for this shit. She frowned at them her green eyes going dark with her own anger. But she had been caught in the middle of Sam and Dean's arguments before and she knew that getting in the middle of these two Winchesters would likely be a dangerous thing to do.

"Why aren't you doing anything dad? Why?" Sam yelled his pain and anger at his father getting the best of him. The fight just kept escalading to the point they were both ready to explode. She knew she shouldn't step in that she should just sit here look pretty and worry about Dean and let Sam and John just have it out. But there was this…oh hell she didn't know how to explain there was just so much pain in this room that it was slightly suffocating. And the strange thing was she could feel Dean could feel him watching them eyeing them praying for the same thing she was. For them to just shut the fuck up and help Dean.

"Could you please shut up?" She asked quietly her eyes glued on the vase of flowers just off to the side of John's hospital bed. She has know idea why they all of a sudden seemed very interesting they just did. "Excuse me little girl?" John said his voice dangerously low warning her that she was on thin ice and better respect her elders if she knew what was good for her. But you see she loves Dean is so willing to put herself in the line of fire for those brothers. One who has her heart the other she loves like a brother so you see she doesn't know what's good for her. If she did she would have let Dean go a long time ago.

"I said could you please shut up. Your son is in that bed dying…" he cut her off with a vicious swipe of his hand. She still wouldn't look at him choosing instead to look at that stupid vase. She wasn't afraid to look at John no not at all. She has faced death before and compared to that John is not all that scary.

"Don't you think I know that?" He barked his dark eyes boring into hers. She turned her head slowly to look him in the eyes. She was so tired of all this right now all she wanted to do was go be by Dean's side. "and here you two are fighting about something stupid." She continued not missing a beat. He maybe able to rile up Sam but she refused to be baited that way. "And why are you here exactly? I thought my son ended things with you a long time ago."

She bit down on her lower lip until she tasted blood she wouldn't do this with him but truth is that comment hurt worse than she was willing to show him. Sam had called her had told her what was going on she had come because of him. She didn't know if Dean wanted her here at all and how could she its not like he could tell her. "Stop dad! She's here because I asked her to be. I needed her." _Thank you Sam for saving me_. Their argument continued as if she hadn't said a word. And you know what she thought. She was thinking how sorry she was that she couldn't help Dean in this way. But then again from what he said he had been trying to stop Sam and John arguments for years and he had failed each time. Didn't make the failure any easier though.

She knows how he feels now. She looked back at that vase ignoring the fight as tears pooled in her green eyes. Just as both of them began shouting their faces red eyes bugging looking so alike it was scary the glass of water that was sitting on the tray beside John's bed went flying against the wall shattering into a million pieces water spraying everywhere. They all looked shocked for a moment but then John's face became shuttered and she had no idea just what he was thinking about that. But when Sam looked at her she knew he was thinking the same thing she was. Dean was here.

Dean was in this room and he just let them know it to.

* * *

"Bonnie said we could Ouija him and see if he'll answer that way." She says slipping back into Dean's room. He looked up at her from his spot on the bed. He looked so sad it hurt to look at him so she looked away. Yeah she was a big chicken. "She really thinks that will work?" She shrugged still not willing to look at him. Or Dean for that matter. "Its worth a shot right?" she murmured looking around the room for anything that was safe to look at she settled on the floor the floor was safe no Dean in a bed dying no sad eyed Sam or pissed off and lost John. Just white and speckled black linoleum. Yeah the floor was a safe place.

Then the tips of Sam's boots stepped into her view and she felt him wrap his arms around her it was almost enough to make her shatter but by shear force of will she managed to keep it all in check. That was until he had to go and speak. "We'll get him back Care. He will come back to us." with that she shattered into a million pieces like that glass of water. All the emotions she had bottled up spilling over until she was sobbing like a baby in his arms. At one point his tears mixed with hers until neither one of them knew who was crying anymore. Still sniffling she pulled away and reached her hand up to wipe away the tears that lingered on his bruised and cut up cheek. "I know we will." Emotions firmly shoved back down and capped off tightly she gave him a smile that was meant to reassure but she was sure had the opposite effect. He nodded and left her alone with Dean to get the Ouija board.

* * *

She fell asleep in the chair beside Dean's bed her head by his arm her hand wrapped around his. She shouldn't be sitting here with him what if he didn't want her here what if she was dong the wrong thing. Caroline was a fairly confidant girl but underneath all that confidence was a scared little girl that was in need of approval from the people in her life. She hid it really well on most days. If asked most people would say that she wasn't afraid of a damn thing in her life. That she was pretty darn fearless. But ask those that knew her that could see past her bullshit and they wouldn't tell you a damn thing. Dean was one of those people.

He had always been able to see past all her fronts see through all the walls she put up to protect her heart and soul. It had almost killed her when he had told her he could never see her again. That his life was to dangerous for her that he never really cared about her that it was all a front to get into her bed and have a warm place to stay. But just as he had always been able to see through her bullshit she had always been able to see through his. She knew why he told her that knew why he distanced himself from her. Didn't mean that it didn't hurt any less she just understood. That was their thing after all. He hurt her and she understood. What a fucked up cycle they were on.

* * *

She was startled awake by a warm hand on her shoulder. She sat up and looked into John's dark fathomless eyes. Sam and Dean's eyes maybe different from their father but in color only they all shared the same fathomless eyes. So deep that a person could get lost in them and not care if they never came back. "I'm…I'm sorry Caroline I shouldn't have…" she cut him off with a shake of her head bringing her hand up to lay on top of his. "No its okay." He nodded letting the subject drop. It's not like either of them wanted to talk about it anyhow. There was always later. Always another time. Right? He took up the chair opposite of her. And they both sat there in silence looking waiting for any sign at all that Dean was coming back to them.

She drove to Bobby's letting Sam talk to Dean alone. Ouija Boards sacred her. One can never be sure just who one is talking to with those things. She pretty much thought they were evil. Give her one bit of proof other wise and she'll change her mind until then she'll keep her opinion. She made the big mistake of parking next to crushed Impala. Getting out of her car and shouldering her book bag she ran her fingers over the beloved steel. A lot of memories were made in this car. Too many to think about right now. She swiped furiously at the tear that dared fall. Stupid tears they always seemed to be falling.

"Hey doll." Bobby murmured coming to stand beside her. "Hey Bobby." she said looking up at him. He smiled at her one of those smile that was full of concern and a whole mess of other things. Bobby was good at those smiles he reminded her of Stefan in that way. It was a smile a man gave to people when he had seen and done things normal people could only imagine. In their worst nightmares that is. "Come on in the house Caroline." She smiled at him one that lacked any real emotion. She felt like she was dying on the inside. Every moment that Dean stayed in the coma it became harder and harder to feel anything.

After a long hot shower and changing into clean clothes she felt human again. Barely. He fed her and didn't talk didn't ask questions. That's what she likes about Bobby he just let you be. You knew he was there if you needed him but he didn't push unless he felt like you needed the push. "Do you know what John is up to?" she asks him suddenly. She knows John is up to something. She had seen that face on Dean one to many times to not recognize it for what it was. John Winchester had come to a decision that could affect them all. Mostly Dean and Sam. And she loved those boys and would protect them as much as she could. Except this time she didn't think she stood a chance in hell in protecting them from what was to come.

"No…at least I have an idea."

"And that would be?"

"He's gonna summon old yellow eyes. Why I don't know."

She nodded not really sure why he was going to do it. Until clarity smacked her upside her head so hard she felt like she was going to fall over. "Son of a bitch!" She snarled jumping to her feet anger boiling up in her. "What?" He asked surprised at her out burst and why wouldn't he? She was usually the quiet in the storm. Until you pissed her off that is. Green eyes met blue for a moment and just like that all her anger flew out the window. How could she be mad at him for that? He was doing this for Dean. For his son he couldn't sit there and watch his boy die.

Was it any less than what she and Sam would do for him? John just thought about it first. "Nothing Bobby…it was nothing." He looked at her with those soft blue eyes of his and in that moment she knew that Bobby knew exactly just what John was up to. He just didn't say it. She sighed and put her face in her hands sorrow for those brothers she loves rushing over her. John was going to hand himself over to that goddamn demon and there wasn't a damn thing she or Bobby could do about it anyhow.

* * *

She walked into John's hospital room only to find him standing fully dressed his arm in a sling. "Tell me why. I'm not your son's so you have no real reason to. But I'm asking you John…I'm asking you why?" He looked at her pain and shame, loss and determination burned in those deep depths. He didn't pretend to not know what she was talking about. She was glad for that. This wasn't a time to be playing games. "You know why Caroline. You know why I'm doing this.""For Dean?" It wasn't a question even though it was formed as one. She knew from the beginning why he was doing it. Didn't make it any easier. "This is going to destroy him John." He looked away from her focusing on that same damn vase she had. He rubbed a big hand through his thick curly hair. She loved John usually they were at each other throats but she loved him and never feared telling him so. He was there for her and mom when her dad died. He was there at a time when a little girl was lost, damaged and broken and he helped stitch her back up. But this, what he was doing now was going to kill Dean. Dean would forever be changed by his father's actions.

"I can let my boy just die.""There are other ways we're looking into other ways.""We're running out of time Caroline!""Don't do this Johnny…please just don't do this."

She pleaded with him and she could do it till she's blue in the face but the truth of it all was that he wasn't going to listen. His choice was made the minute he heard Dean's chance's of pulling himself out of this. He sighed and put a big hand on her upper arm. His touch was gentle but it conveyed everything he was feeling. All his loss his sense of urgency.

"I've already lost his mother to this thing please don't let me loose my boy. I…I may not have told him how I…how I feel but he's my boy. My first born the child that reminds me so much of Mary. Sam he's…he's all mine. Full of hate and revenge. The need to kill this thing that killed his girl. But Dean…Dean is all Mary. He's light to Sam's dark he's softer than he thinks he is. He loves with a ferocity that could only been seen in his mother. Sam can't loose that. He can loose me but he can't loose Dean." Tears pooled in her green eyes as she looked at him. His pain washed over her freeing her own.

"Sam may not be able to loose Dean but Dean can't loose you John. You're his father.""He'll understand one day.""Please John…please…"

The tears began to fall as he moved his hand up and down her arm. She felt like that little girl again. But this time that little girl was reaching out to Dean. She of all people could understand that kinda pain the kind of pain he was about to go through. "I have to do this Caroline. I have to save my boy." She nodded what else could she do his choice was already made. Once John Winchester made his decision there was no going back for the old man. She tossed herself at him already missing him before he was gone. "We'll find a way to free you John."

"They can't know darling."

"Then I'll find a way. I'll find a way to free you from the pit."

"I don't think that'll happen honey but if anyone can do it its you. You are just like your old man after all."

* * *

There's a heavy burden that comes with holding a secret deep in side one's soul like she was holding. The burden is so heavy that it wants to pull her down into a pit of empty blackness where she can free fall until the day she dies. It clouds her mind her heart and her soul. But she'll keep quiet she has to. She's there along with Sam when Dean wakes up. And for a moment the burden she carries is gone replaced by sheer joy. Sam yells for a doctor and all at once the room is flooded with doctors and nurses pushing her and Sam out of the way. They cling to each other like they were each others personal life raft. Sobs of joy rack her body as Sam cries silent tears of joy and relief. Dean was here Dean was alive. He was pulled back from the brink of death.

* * *

Dean shares a smile with Sam he doesn't remember a thing about being dead which she could figure is a good thing. He doesn't look at her but he refuses to let her hand go. And the guilt she feels is almost crushing like a fucking a tidal wave just dumped on top of her head. John walks in the room looking burdened and relieved. His deal had gone through Dean was alive and well. She had to look away from him and those eyes. If you knew what you were looking for you could find all the answers in John's eyes.

And of course like always when John was in the room Sam's testy side reared its ugly head. But John cut him off his lips trembling his eyes watering and you could see the fear in Dean and Sam's eyes. "Can we please just not do this Sammy? Please?" Sam looked wide eyed as he nodded. "Yeah…sure dad. Are you alright?"

"I'm good. You think you could get your old man a cup of caffeine?"

"Sure dad, anything."

Just as Sam walked by John pulled his youngest into his arms and hugged him like he had never hugged him before. She wiped away the tears that threatened to fall and refused to look Dean in the eye. "Caroline you think you could help him?" Standing up she nodded and kissed Dean on his cheek. She had already said her good-byes already told him she would never forget him. It was Dean's turn even if he had no idea what was coming. But all the same he grabbed her hand as she walked past him. He pulled her close and whispered in her ear as she leaned her forehead onto his chest.

His breath moved the delicate hairs by her ear and she wanted to break down at what he said to her_. "Take care of them Caroline. I…never told you but you were like a daughter to me." _He pulled away and kissed her forehead. She fisted her hands in his shirt a moment. Refusing to let him go just yet. But soon he was pushing her out the door. She found Sam at the coffee machine where you can get the world's crappiest coffee. Reserved only for hospitals and police stations. She would know the station in Mystic Falls had the same machine. Same model to.

He grabbed the coffee and they walked back to Dean's room his arm around her shoulder her arm around his waist. God forgive her for what she has done. And may Dean and Sam forgive her as well. Its fine really he's trying not to act as scared as he felt and she was trying not to show how guilty she felt. Their getting ready to walk past a room nothing unusual about that right? Except that there was. John lay lifeless on the floor his chest not even moving. Sam yells drops the coffee it spills all over the floor and like that damn glass of water it moves in slow motion. Seeming to fall forever until it splashed all over the floor and onto her boots. She doesn't even notice that last part.

She falls to her knees as Sam screams and nurses push their way through pushing him out or trying to at least. Dean shuffles his way over yelling "He's our dad! He's our dad and we're not leaving!" She watches them from her place out in the hallway. Her hand over her mouth as she cries. She crawls over to the wall where she falls to her butt pulling her knees up to her chest and bringing her head down to them. John was gone. The great John Winchester was dead. And there was no bringing him back. The doctor calls time of death and Sam sounding so lost and heartbroken yells, "No! No he can't…Dean! Dean he can't be tell me he's not!"


	2. I Know

_**A/N:**yeah so don't judge me to harshly... I was tired when i wrote this... i own nothing except my mistakes which i am sure there are plenty of. __takes place after Caroline's pov completely in Dean's... which was so hard let me tell you... so please enjoy i know i have... well when i wasn't beating my head against the wall asking why Dean was so hard to write?_

_

* * *

_

Dean has a few secrets he's keeping from Caroline, Bobby and most importantly Sam. Just a few though. Some not as important as the others but there's a real big one that drives him to the brink of insanity. Just to the brink. That's one line he won't cross. So he self medicates. And not the way you think but yeah he does drink too much when he's bad like this but there's something else he does when he can't drink. He hates himself for this but…he smokes. There is just something about the nasty little habit that he just loves.

He'll hide behind Bobby's shop sit on a tire and dig his pack out and light up but only when he's seen that damned doe eyed sad little lost puppy look of Sam's one to many times. It kills him when he sees that look. Sam is his life you know it sounds weird when you really have to think about it but it doesn't make it any less true. Sam had been his life since that night he ran from their burning home his dad's voice still ringing in his ears. For years all he ever heard was, _"It's your job buddy. You gotta take care of Sammy." _Take care of Sammy it was always that. Sammy came first before everything.

Or when Caroline looks at him (when she will even look at him) with that half dead guilt ridden look of hers. He hates that she looks like that now his once bright, happy, shiny Caroline. Nothing ever brought Caroline down not even the worst days could do it. Now…well now is different.

They both seemed to think that he forgets that they loved him to. He was a family friend to Caroline. So close the late John Winchester had once stayed at her house for a week during a hunt. It annoys him that they didn't learn that until his dad had learned they were dating. Yes once upon a time they had dated and he used that word willingly. He was Bobby's friend. And yes, he was Sam's dad to. But his dad the man that he loved the man that he freaking worshiped like he was some warrior god had charged him with something that would kill him if it really came down to that.

He means kill in the literal sense. So he smokes. It helps keep all those nasty little burdens he carries deep down and bottled just where they belong. Honestly, he is a bit surprised no one has commented on how he smells like an ashtray. Not one person has mentioned it. Kinda makes him…well never mind that. That was until he was caught red handed.

Caroline walked behind the shed her finger trailing along the fence. She didn't look at him kept her eyes on the ground he looked around for an easy exit but found none he had been caught. "I knew it." She murmured as she turned to look at him. She pressed her back against the fence and crossed her arms across her chest like she was hugging herself. Her glittery pink and black headband flickering in the late sun.

"Yeah and how did you know?" He asks stubbing out his butt. It's no fun when someone is looking. She shrugged her shoulders and looked back at the ground as if she found it the most interesting thing in the world. "We all have our vices Dean." he nodded that was true enough. He knew a few of hers.

"So what brings you out here?"

"You." She says simply. "Uh huh did Sam put you up to this." Because he really doesn't believe her when she says that. And this is so something Sam would do. Sam rooted for Caroline like a kid whose parents are not together anymore. Dean on the other hand has come to terms with how things are between them now. Maybe not, for what happened before no he will never forgive himself for that. She will argue with him about that but its one argument she will never win. "Sam doesn't put me up to anything it's usually the other way around." She looks up at him and for a moment, she looks like her old self. Her green eyes twinkle and her lips are quirked up at the corners. He can't help it no one can when faced with one of her smiles…he smiles back.

It's really hard to keep it there. He honestly wants to let them know what is going on in his head. But he can't. There are certain things he's not ready for Sam to know just yet. "Listen Caroline whatever brought you out here I can't do it right now. I gotta get back to fixing up my baby." He murmured as he stood wiping his hands on his jeans. Truth is he just wants to get away. Fixing up the Impala has given him a great escaping place. But then again it has always been that way. Her eyes glisten for a moment not with tears but with anger but she shoves it down and looks away from him without another word she lets him walk away.

That's their old song and dance after all. He makes her mad she shoves it down he walks away and she lets him. For once, he just wished she wouldn't let him walk away.

* * *

By the time, they get the voicemail from some woman called Ellen he has given up his nasty habit. At least he's trying. Caroline stayed behind with Bobby claiming she promised to help him with the phone tree that and she didn't to ride in that, _"Death trap…sorry Bobby no offense." _Bobby nods distractedly he looked relieved and looked at her as if she was his personal savior while she looked on at Sam completely oblivious. When they get to the Roadhouse, he meets a feisty little blonde that he just felt something for. It was so easy talking to Jo. When he talked to her he forgot about Sam's pain Caroline's pain and he forgot that fucking promise Dad made him agree to just before he died.

She let him talk and she just listened. You know he really wanted to ask her out almost did but just wound up telling her, "Wrong place, wrong time."He likes her to think it's because of her mother but he has faced a mother like her before and he won. It's not a fight he wants to be in the middle of again. Sam eyes him during all this. Making sour faces as if he really likes Jo to but she's no Caroline. But that's why he likes her so much. There's just something about Jo that reaches out to him. Like she can understand what he is going through.

Jo is uncomplicated she likes what she likes and wants to hunt and do something that will make her closer to her father and she not a bit sorry for that. He knows he has to face reality but he likes having someone he can go to, to forget. Until that is, he couldn't anymore. See he already has so much shit his old man piled on him but he gets one more. He gets to hear that his dad got Jo's killed that his dad messed up and lost another man his life. Taking him away from a wife that loved him and a daughter that adored him. Like he didn't have enough on his plate.

* * *

When he is alone and everybody is asleep, he is awake fixing the Impala. A cigarette hanging from his lips. His knuckles bang on the brakes scrape against the engine that is slowly coming together. Most people can push away every thought in their head when they are under the hood of a car they love fixing. He's the same way. Most days that is. Tonight is not that kinda night. All he could think of was Sam _I'm lost save me look, _Caroline's _you're falling let me catch you _Jo's look of pain and anger_._ And Bobby watching him like he was going to jump off the fucking roof.

Caroline walking over to him her boots crunching the gravel brings him away from those morbid thought. Why cant everyone just leave him alone? Was it so hard to so was it such a hard request. Not like he ever asked it of anyone but you think they could just tell. He raises an eyebrow at her and continues his work. She doesn't say anything for a moment. She sits down on a tire and crosses her legs looking like nothing in the world was bothering her. But he knew differently the soft lines strain told him she had a lot on her mind.

"I know about Jo." He had wondered if she knew. She had been looking at him with this…he can't explain it but there was just something in her body language that screamed at him. He had been expecting her to yell scream anything but she didn't do anything he expected her to do. Just looked at him with sad guilt ridden eyes and told him, "You should be more careful Dean. Ash is Elena's cousin." he looks at her and raises his bottle of Jack to his lips. Who would have thought that a class act like Elena had a cousin like Ash? But when he really thought about it…it really wasn't that surprising.

She reaches for the bottle, he hands it to her willingly, and for a moment all, the crap that's between him both imaginary and real disappeared. She smiles soft and sweet and she looks like herself again. What with her jean jacket, jeans and sky-high heels and her headband with an enormous flower on the side. She always did have a different taste. Sam called her stylish (he would know the big girl) but he always thought her look was um…funky. He leans back under the hood pretending to not watch her as she sips silently. He waiting he knows something is coming that she has come to some sort of decision he just wished she would come on and say it already.

"Do you remember when we first met?" She asks a little smile lighting up her eyes. Yeah he does remember…thing is he doesn't understand why he did what he did. To this day, he still does not know. The core of him straight down in his bones told him he should have just left her and never looked back. But there had been _something _in the way she looked at him that night that made him take her away. "Yeah." his reply when it came is whisper soft_. _"Why didn't you just leave me behind? Wouldn't it have been easier on us than going through this?"She wasn't wrong it would have been easier if he had just left her back in that car. "The same could have been said about you. You found me saved my ass. You could have just left me." She looks away from him but not before, he caught the shimmer of tears in her eyes. So she has been thinking along those lines as well huh. "I…I love you Dean." He presses his lips into a thin line. It's not the first time he has heard those words and it still kills him. He cant say it back maybe before he became the man he was today if hunting had never happened if he had never became this then yeah he thinks he could have loved her to. "I never asked you to say it back." she breaks off with a huff of laughter that had no humor in it. She looks back at him looking so lost. This was his fault he had done this to her.

"I'm going home Dean. I don't belong here." She says finally then she walked over to him stands on the tips of her toes and kisses him on the cheek and God did he just want to pull her to him and hold on so goddamn tight that she couldn't move but he didn't he just let her go. This time…this time it had been him that let her walk away.

A week later things between him and Sam finally exploded. He yelled telling Sam that he was dealing with their dad's death (when it was such an obvious lie) but he wasn't and why the hell was piling all his crap on him and why didn't he just leave him the fuck alone. Sam of course responded with the classic "yeah you're so dealing Dean that's why you spend all your time under that goddamn car. Because you're healing so well that's why you ignored Caroline and decided that Jo was a better candidate!"

"Sam its time you stopped talking about shit you know nothing about." He murmured his voice dangerously low. He was headed for a freaking melt down and he wanted Sam as far away as possible. He did not want his baby brother to see how bad he was really hurting because he might ask what the real reason behind all this is. And he just couldn't tell Sam that. Not yet. Ever since Sam was a baby, he had felt the need to keep the dark from him. Sam was light to his darkness his baby brother shouldn't be tainted with a secret as dark as this. However, he also knew that the time was coming that he would have to tell Sam everything. Just not yet, not like this with both of them so fucking angry that they could both explode. Instead of taking it out on his brother, he takes it out on the Impala. Poor girl.

They go on a hunt that has all the markings of a hellhound. They'll think it's a black dog until certain details come to light. In the end, they managed to save the guy but he learned a few things that he really wished he hadn't. And despite what he tells Sam he's pretty damn sure that that demon wasn't lying. His dad had sold his soul for his life. Sold his soul and the colt to bring him back. But was it only to do what he was asked? Did the old man only bring him back for one reason? He doesn't know the answers to that but thanks to that demon; he knows where he can find them. Funny it was just his luck that he was going to Mystic Falls. On a hunt for vampires.


	3. All Or Nothing

**_A/N: _**_I own nothing just my little plaything... this is the last chapter for this story but never fear more is coming. just to let ya'll know this story takes place in-place of the hunt they did with Gordon. everyone's favorite psycho-hunter. i hope you enjoy. also i was really tired when i wrote this so any and all (which I'm sure there are many) are mine._

**_A/N: _**_also a great big shout out to Silently Tearful for the wonderful reviews...you have made my day. _

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He's getting pretty sick of the way his life keeps changing on him. You'd think he would be used to change and he is to certain kinds. The normal everyday changes are fine but his core stuff the things he grew up knowing to be truth. In their world there were no shades of grey just black and white. Easy no room for error. Uh huh and since when was that ever true.

He blows into Mystic Falls like he does every town. What sue him he likes to make an entrance and his baby deserved to be showed off. She was newly rebuilt smelled like she always did and purrs for him like only she can. And she does not appreciate Sam's sense of humor. It's dark and rainy when they pull into a hotel just on the out skirts of town. He really wished he hadn't stopped here this is where he brought…uh never mind he doesn't want to go there right now. But life has a way of making him face things he doesn't want to.

"Crap!" He murmurs when he sees the room they were given. "What?" Sam asks looking thoroughly confused and why wouldn't he wasn't lying when he said there were certain things he was keeping from Sam. Some big some not so much. This falls into the not so much category. "This is the room I brought Caroline back to." he says shoving the key into the lock and viciously shoving the door open. "You mean when you first met?" He nodded tossed his bag on the bed nearest the door. Some habits die hard he guesses. Sam goes quiet and he's grateful but he knows Sam and knows that the guy was gonna wanna talk soon he just wished he wouldn't.

"Dean are you ever gonna tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" Hmm sooner than he thought. This has to be a new record for his little brother. "Whatcha talking about Sam?" He keeps himself busy so he doesn't have look Sam in the eye because that observant boy will see it for the lie that it is. He knows what Sam was talking about knows that Sam wants to know just what dad said to him before…before he died. The brat is sure of it now he's so damn sure that their dad said something that had sent him into this tail spin. He's not wrong. Dean just doesn't want to tell him. Why burden Sam with that? Seemed cruel to him.

Sam snorts and Dean knows that he's going to drop it. Thank God. "Never mind. So are you gonna call Care?" He hated that nick-name that Sam and everyone else seemed to have adopted for her. The name its self wasn't bad it was cute and everything Caroline was. But the thing is while everyone called her Care she had loved it when he had called her Caroline. Just Caroline. Said she loved the way he said it. He has no clue what she means by this. But if he had to take a guess it would be for the same reason he loved it when she said his name. There was just something about the way Caroline said his name the way it rolled off her tongue and made her eyes sparkle like two gem stones. And he knows he just officially quit (mostly because Sam had caught him and threatened bodily harm if he didn't) but he really could use a smoke right now.

So he ignores his brother's question and goes out side. It takes him a moment to find a place he could hide and the next thing you know well his head is swimming from that first puff. But now everything is easer to manage all that shit he doesn't want to think about are firmly back in that dark place he can ignore. That is until Caroline comes strolling out of nowhere. Her tight leather jacket hugger her curves her jeans doing the same and the click-clack of her heels seem so loud right now.

"Whatcha doing here Winchester?" She asks as she leans against the wall her eyes focused on something only she can see. "Business." He replies gruffly. He didn't have to come here not really the little band of hunters that lived here could take care of whatever was going on. But he couldn't pass up the chance to ask her just what her and his dad had talked about. And yet he was doing just that. "How did you know I was here?" She looked at him a slightly patronizing smile on her face. "I have my ways Dean. You know I'm not the only hunter in town." Her smile softens to something that is more Caroline's style. "That and your kinda hard to miss when you have become the talk of the town."

"What can I say she deserves it." He says stubbing out his forgotten smoke. She nods tapping the tip of her booted foot, "That she does. Poor girl she's been through so much." He laughs then really laughs because this conversation sounds so odd. But only Caroline and his dad had been able to understand the love he had for that car. "If Sammy could hear us now…" She laughs a little and looks at him with eyes that shine bright with mischief. "He would think we're nuts. But then again he's always thought that."

"Yeah…he always has."

"Dean what are you really doing here?"

"I told you business."

"Mhm…well you know where I live if you wanna talk." She says. She starts to walk away from him and he lets her but then she stops and looks up at the vast midnight sky. Looking at stars that one could only see out here in the country. "I know I never told you this…" she says turning to look at him, "probably should have. Hind sight and all. But 'm sorry that he's gone Dean. It shouldn't have gone down like that." He has to look away from her. Can't look into those eyes that knew too much. It's funny though this has to be the first time anybody said that to him. It's always 'are you okay?" or 'how ya holding up?' Caroline always did like to get straight to the point.

"What did you and dad talk about?" He asks her suddenly. He needs to know at yet at the same time he doesn't not really. He wants to believe that the freaking demon had lied. "You mean in the hospital?" She asks. Her eyes going unfocused like she knew something. Something that caused that guilty look in her eyes. "Yeah…look I know he said something to you just before I woke up."

"Well it was more like I said something to him.""Did you know? Did you know what he was going to do? Did he tell you?"

He noticed that she had gone completely still at his question. So his dad had told her had he also told her what he had said to him? Or was that just for his ears alone. "He didn't tell me Dean I kinda figured it out. Look this isn't the place to be talking about this. Why don't you come back to my apartment you and Sam can stay there?" he shook his head. As great as that would be he couldn't do that. She wanted a clean break and he was more than willing to give it to her. "Nah…we're good here." she nodded and left without another word.

* * *

There are two bars in this town. You'd think there would be more right? They chose the seedy bar first thinking that the blood suckers would choose that one. All they got were funny looks and the bartender telling them, "Move it along nut job." well someone doesn't have manners now do they. Frustrated they moved onto to The Grill not a place he really wanted to visit. In fact he just wished he had left this up to Caroline and Alaric. But thinking about that why hadn't they taken care of it already.

They stuck out like a sore thumb but they weren't the only ones. A man with his coffee colored skin walked up to them. "I got this covered." Dean put on his patented smile but dude saw right through it. "Uh huh don't pretend with me I know just what you guys are. And like I said these leeches are mine." Sam tenses in the booth across from him his dislike for this man radiating off him in waves. It should have been his first clue. "Sit down dude we need to talk." The man pulled up a chair spinning it around so he could cross his arms over the back of it and sat down eyeing him and Sam like some sort of competition. He would guess that's exactly what they were.

Everybody and their brother kept looking their way making them stick out even more. "God I feel like their undressing me with their eyes." He says shifting uncomfortably under the many stares. "I like the seedy bar better." the man nodded as he scanned the place taking in all the young people and the way the dressed so damn brightly. "Names Gordon." Dean took the outstretched hand and murmured, "Dean, this is Sammy."

"Hello Sammy." Gordon murmured a wide grin on his face. He didn't know his brother could look anymore sour than he already did. Apparently he was wrong. Sam's eyebrows came down in fierce frown and he snapped, "Only he gets to call me that." Gordon threw his hands up in surrender but Dean was pretty sure he didn't surrender too much that this was just courtesy to their late father. "Sorry man meant no offense." He said genuinely and Dean just couldn't understand Sam's problem. "You said we need to talk so talk."

It was awkward really…well not as awkward as it should have been there was just something about Gordon he liked. And the more they talked the more that thought was reinforced. Sam on the other hand couldn't stand the guy and half way through the conversation he got up. "See some people I know." He murmured before walking away. Dean shook his head and followed his brother with his eyes as he walked over to a table that Caroline was sitting at. "So your brother knows the blonde chick?" Dean made a face at that Caroline would probably kill Gordon for that comment. "Family friend." he grunted.

"Mhm…so I gotta lead. Interested?"

"Thought you had this covered?"

"When will I ever get the chance to work with John Winchesters boy again?"

"Good point lets go."

* * *

Sam would be so disgusted with him if he could see him now. He's got blood on his face and shirt from that vamp he had just killed. Gordon was proud happy all the things that his dad never showed him and as stupid as it was that overrides everything else. Gordon pats him on the back tells him, _"good job." _And he feels lighter than he has in months. He should have know that hell was about to come his way though. In the form of a very pissed off blonde with fire in her green eyes.

Sam's waiting for them as they pull up to the motel his hands on his hips looking…well disappointed. Caroline was beside him looking hurt and angry as she paced back and forth. "Sammy, Caroline what you doing here?" Caroline stopped her pacing and Sam looked at her for a moment like he was trying to decide something but then he shrugged crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "Don't you fucking talk to me you goddamn asshole!" She yelled as she stormed towards him next thing he knows her fist is flying and he's on his back cradling his jaw.

"I think its time for you to go Gordon." Sam says coolly his eyes narrowed. Gordon raised an eyebrow he nodded telling him it was okay mostly because Caroline looked ready to yell and hit him next. She waited until he was gone her eyes never leaving his and he had a sinking feeling in his gut. "I'll never forgive you for this Dean. He never hurt a fly and you killed him." Pain and anguish colored her words. Sam walked over to him and made no move to help him up. Groaning he got up on his own. "What are you talking about?""That vampire you killed…his name was Eli. He never hurt anybody he was a good man Dean. You killed a good man."

"He's a vampire how good could he have been?" She reared back like she had been slapped and Sam shook his head. "The vampire you killed didn't drink human blood." He snorted there was no such thing. Right? But when he looked at Caroline pain, sadness, loss and guilt making her green eyes dark as the night around them he started thinking that maybe he was wrong. "Dean Caroline showed me something. The other hunters that are in this town are vampires. With the exception of Caroline and Alaric." Well talk about weird. "Leave it alone Sam he'll never get it."

* * *

_I'll never forgive you for this._

_He'll never get it._

_Look out for Sammy, Dean. _

_You have to save him and if you cant you'll have to kill him._

It's funny really how certain words will replay in your head over and over until you're ready to pull your hair out and howl at the moon like a fucking crazy person. He's right there you know. He's just this close to doing exactly that. He did his research and realized that this Eli guy was okay. There had been a few attacks on people here and there but the threat had always been put down. And quick might he add. He had wound up killing an innocent and that just didn't sit right with him. And why should it. The guy had only attacked because he had been trying to protect himself and the others. Well he was a total dick. Man his list of burdens just kept growing.

And to top it all off just as he and Sam were about to shag ass out of town a frantic knock sounds at the door. "Damn it Dean I know you're in there open the freaking door!" Elena? What the hell was she doing here? Sam opens the door and Elena rushes in practically falling over herself. "He's got her." She says. And it's all he needs to hear. "Where are they?"

"The boarding house Sam knows where."

"You gonna be okay?" He asks because he has to and Caroline already hated him enough. "I'll be fine just bring her back safe." He nods briskly before climbing into the Impala.

"He shouldn't have been able to take them." Sam grumbles into his fist as he leans against the door. He's angry but he's trying really hard not to show it. Dean on the other hand is a whole mess of things. He can't even describe what he's feeling. "What do you mean?" Sam looks at him like he wasn't sure if he should go and divulge the secrets he had been entrusted with. But Dean knows he will because that just what they do. "Stefan is old so is his brother Damon. Gordon shouldn't have been able to get the drop on them." What was so special about these vampires aside from the non human blood drinking they were just your run of the mill vamps right?

He shakes it off when they pull up to the boarding house. The door is open and he can hear Caroline crying and Gordon's twisted view on life. _"You're a hunter dated a hunter and this is how you repay us?"_ She sobs harder and he's afraid of just what Gordon is doing to make her do that. He looks over at Sam and knows he's thinking the same thing. _"Hey! Hey it's us you want leave her alone!" _A man with a deep clear voice shouts. They sneak up to a room that could only be described as a lavish study and the sight he sees makes his blood boil. Caroline tied to a chair bleeding from wounds on her neck and arms. A man he could only assume was Stefan and his brother Damon was tied to up as well both bleeding from various wounds that littered their bodies.

He points his gun at Gordon's head as he walks into the room. "Put the gun down Gordy!" He orders. Sam's got his gun trained on the man as well. They walk slowly into the room as Gordon throws up his hands his bowie knife gleaming in the glow of the low burning fire. "It's cool. I'm glad that the two of you showed up though. Good time to show you your girlfriends true colors. And her little friends that is." Caroline jerks at the bonds that tie her to the chair she should be free soon. But if he doesn't keep his focus it'll go south and fast. "You're a piece of work Gordon. I know that those vamps killed your sister but killing them…man no their innocent." "Innocent my ass," he scoffs, "no their not innocent and those vampires didn't kill my sister I did." Caroline gasps in shock Sam looks disgusted and he rears back like he's been slapped. That little tidbit hit a little to close for him. If Gordon a man that had clearly loved his sister could kill his own blood what would he do? If the circumstances where right would he do the same thing? Could he kill his baby brother? He'd like to believe that the answer is no and shit he's pretty damn sure that he would never do that to his brother but he's scared. His dad told him more than he's willing to admit even to himself what if it all came true?

"How could you do that? She was your sister?" Sam asks his hazel eyes twinkling with that all too familiar sheen. He's brother was to kind of a person to let what his dad said take hold. Sure the kid was angry all the time he was practically a fucking powder keg just waiting to explode but this was Sam. The same guy that was about to cry about a woman he never even met. The same guy that was willing to give these vampires a chance all because Caroline had asked him to. "She wasn't my sister…not anymore at least. I did what I had to do."

Dean took a chance and looked down at Caroline she was just about free when Gordon walked over to Sam and decked him snatching the gun away from his brother's grasp. He pulled the hammer on the gun back and pointed it right between the idiot's eyes. "Whoa no harm…I mean no harm just wanna show you their true nature." With Sam in the way there was no way he could get the shot in without killing his brother in the processes so he lowered the gun but only slightly. Even Caroline had stopped moving.

Gordon moved Sam over to the man with the honey colored hair, he cut his little brothers arm letting Sam's blood dripping on his face. Man this guy was so gonna get his ass kicked for this. He watched as the man's eyes went black veins popping out under the eyes and on the forehead and two fangs descended. What the fuck? This was so different than anything they had seen before even Gordon looked taken back. "Stefan, listen to me." Caroline murmured softly her voice inviting you to listen. "Stefan don't…don't let him do this to you. Come on your stronger than this son of a bitch."

Dean watched in amazement as the black eyes cleared and the fangs disappeared. "No…no I won't do it." Caroline sighed and leaned back in her chair. Sam jerked away from Gordon and walked back over to where he was standing just as Caroline resumed her efforts for freedom. Gordon walked back over to the table where his bowie knife was stuck in the table. Dean felt disgusted what had he ever saw in the man to make him think he was a man like his father.

"So he didn't attack your brother he's still a leech and deserves to be put down." Gordon murmured as he pulled his blade free. He looked at it blood coated it shining in the light of the fire. Caroline's fist came out of nowhere as she punched him in the back. _That's my girl! _Gordon hit the ground groaning from the kidney shot Caroline had just delivered. "He's not a fucking dog you jack ass!" She snarled. Sam ran over to Caroline and helped her free herself while he kept Gordon busy by pulling the hammer back again.

"Dean," Sam questioned stopping in the door way while Caroline and the other two men shuffled out of the house. "I got this Sammy." He didn't need to see Sam's nod to know that his brother understood. He had their backs so they could get out. He'd have to give it Gordon the man never gave up trying to convince him that they were bad and that Dean had made the wrong choice. But the way he saw it he didn't make the wrong choice. He had chosen to keep people that were at least fairly innocent safe.

His job was to kill evil and they weren't evil. Gordon thought that killing everything supernatural was their job and it was but most importantly they killed things that hurt people. If it wasn't evil then you don't kill it. Just so happens that this was the first time they came across something supernatural that wasn't evil. Maybe. This job made him rethink every job he had ever done in his life. He didn't like that. He didn't want to become like Gordon and others like him.

It wasn't easy taking down Gordon the man had a wicked right hook. His was better. After being tossed around the room and doing a bit of the tossing if he does say so himself Gordon was tied to a chair. "You better hope that they don't come back in here and try and kill you. I'd have to let them slide for that." He grinned at the other man that he was so close to calling friend. He needed to be more guarded in the future. "You can't leave me here Dean. I'll get free and then I'll kill every last one of them. Oh that's right there are only two now and one sympathizer thanks to you."

He was right he couldn't just leave him here. Gordon would get free and then all of this would have been for nothing. But then his answer came in the form of the sheriff and Alaric. "Hello Dean." He nodded to sheriff Forbes Caroline's mother. "Sheriff, Hey Ric." Alaric nodded and smiled.

"So this is the hunter that gave Caroline so much trouble?"

"Yeah what are you gonna do with him?"

"Don't worry about that we'll get him as far away from town as we can."

* * *

Sam held the door open for him as he carried an all to limp Caroline into the bookstore her loft apartment was just above it. The owner of the bookstore didn't even look crossway at them. And he has to wonder how much this happens for the man just to look up, nod and buzz the back door open. Sam smiled at the man as he practically ran up the stairs. Once they were inside Caroline's studio apartment he laid her down on the bed he left her with Sam to get the first aid kit he knew she kept under the sink. Kit in hand he walks back over to the bed where Sam was fretting over her like a fucking mother hen. "Move it Sam." His brother complied with the order and moved off to the side giving him just enough room to work on her but keep her close in his sight. If this were a different time and Caroline didn't lay on the bed blood oozing from her wounds he would laugh and roll his eyes. Sam was always was way to over protective of her. Like he had room to talk he calls Sam a mother hen but during those months that she had been here and he had been on the road he had called her a lot. He wipes at the blood with the strips of cloth in the kit and worries when she doesn't even move. After she's bandaged up all there was left to do was wait.

It was two o'clock in the morning when she finally came around. Sam had passed out on the couch sometime around one but only after a lot of pushing and prodding form him. He rubs his tired eyes he can't do this anymore with her it has to be all or nothing. This going back and forth just wasn't working. Just when he thinks that he's about to fall asleep she stirs. She raises her hand and God she looks so much like she did that night.

"Bob…Bobby told me he was going to summon the demon. He didn't know why but after a minute I knew."

"Caroline…""No its okay despite what your dad thought you have a right to know."

"So he did tell you."

She nodded and heaved herself up towards the headboard. If he had been Sam he would have told her to stop lay back and don't bother. But he wasn't Sammy and he had known Caroline a long time now. She didn't appreciate that kinda stuff. Oh she loved a gentleman but don't be pushy. So he let her haul herself up even though she was in obvious pain. She did try and hide it though. With her back against the headboard her leg up under her and her arms crossed her hands moving up and down like she was trying to keep herself warm she finally looked at him again. Her skin was pail from blood loss and she looked as tired as he felt.

"No he didn't tell me. Its…it's complicated. I knew he was going to sell his soul. There are only two reasons to meet with the devil Dean. To send it back to hell or make a deal."

"Where is he?"

"Dean…"

"No I…I need to know where he is. After all this you have to give me that."

"Where do you think he is?" He has to look away from her. So the demon hadn't lied. He wished she had. He hears her sigh and soon her cool hand is wrapped around his. She squeezes it telling him in her way that everything was going to be okay. But it wasn't now was it. He still didn't know why his dad brought him back. Was it to protect Sammy? Or was it for something else?

"I don't know what your dad said to you Dean. But whatever it was he loved you." He snorted at that and took his hand from her instantly feeling it loss. He rubbed his hands up and down his face. Trying to scrub away the last few hours…hell the last few months. "Dean get some sleep you look like someone just chewed you up and spit you out."

"Well I did get into a fight with a homicidal hunter tonight."

"Mhm…" she scooted over her lids heavy with sleep and patted the bed beside her. Just for tonight…it would be just for tonight then he would leave and she would never have to him again. Caroline of course had other ideas. "Dean…" he pressed his back against the headboard and wrapped his arm around her shoulder bringing her in as close as he could. "Don't leave me. I cant keep doing this walk away thing we got going on. It has to be all or nothing from here on out."

He nodded but didn't say anything he had after all been thinking the same thing. He just had a choice to make.

_So what's it going to be Dean all or nothing hurry up the clock is ticking?_

_

* * *

_

The time to go had finally come he just hadn't expected a freaking going away party. Elena, Bonnie, Damon and Stefan where all there. "Buffy, Angel." He murmured eyeing the odd couple with a smirk. Caroline had told him all about her best friend and her vampire boyfriend. Elena glared but Stefan wore a little smile. Yeah vampire boy got the reference. "Witchy woman, fangs." Bonnie put her hand up to keep Damon in place but she was smirking while doing it. He knew there was a reason he liked that witch.

"We just wanted to thank you Dean. For…for saving our lives and Caroline's." Stefan murmured holding out his hand Dean shook it feeing slightly uncomfortable. "No big Sam was there to." Caroline came out of the boo store followed by Sam who had this huge shit eating grin on his face like he had won some contest or something. He watched them as Caroline hugged each and everyone of her friends including fang boy. "You ready?" He asks when she comes to stand by his side. "As long as I got you and Sam then yeah I'm ready. Come on world bring it." her grin was wide and contagious. Sam made her sit up front between them and for once he didn't complain.

…_this should be interesting._


End file.
